Another motel

by Ash Williams


Van Nuys, California, 2014: So after I got a life ban from Motel 6, I went looking for alternative accomodation that was $70 a night. The options were breathtaking, in the worst possible way. 

I settled on a place that had a pool, with no water in it. I walked up to the pool and saw a sign that said "no diving". That sign saved my life. I walked back inside and was keen to fire up some WIFI, send some work emails and get some rest. 

So I walked into reception and paid my $70 for a room, and I remember this vividly, then out of nowhere 10-15 police cars turned up with their sirens blaring and guns cocked. The cops yelled "where is he?", the receptionist pointed his index finger up and said "he's upstairs". All the cops sneaked upstairs with their massive rifles, it was like a SWAT team wanted to capture Bin Laden without waking him up.  

I said to the receptionist "what's going on?" he said "there's a maniac on the loose in one of the rooms upstairs", I said 'have you debited my credit card yet?' he said 'sure have' I looked up to the ceiling like I had superman vision and could see directly into the maniacs room and said "could I get a refund bro?" the receptionist laughed and said "sure" and then said 'be careful getting to your car, the guy upstairs is a nut!'. I then literally sprinted to my hire car. I fanged it to the next motel which was 100m down the road. It was one of those motels that was so cheap, that everyone staying there, also lived there.

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